Interview with Casey Murphy
Casey is a Certified Sex Educator, marketing strategist, and the founder of Bold Type Marketing. She has spent two decades (nearly half of her life) as a copywriter, journalist, sales strategist and marketing expert in the pleasure products industry.
How has sex changed for you over the years? Do you express energy and emotions sexually now that you did not when you were younger? Has it become more complicated? Less so?
Sex has become much less complicated in my adulthood.
I grew up Catholic – went to Catholic school from pre-school until 12th grade. It goes without saying that there was a lot of repression buried inside of me. That deeply rooted-shame associated with sex and pleasure heavily impacted my ability to fully receive and enjoy sexual pleasure until my 30s.
I fell into the pleasure products industry when I was 23 years old - and that certainly accelerated the process of acceptance, and shedding shame in regards to public sexual health conversations, different lifestyles, interests, and sexual expression.
However, feeling comfortable to dance with my sexual energy - and exchange it with a partner - really came down to the realization that I had permission to receive pleasure. That occurred to me in my mid-30s during the first time I experimented with a rose quartz yoni egg (sensually energetic in and of itself). It was an actual voice in my head – and I know that sounds crazy, but it really did happen. “You are deserving of pleasure” was what I heard and that shifted my mindset in terms of allowing my body to receive pleasure. For example, I had been chasing the elusive G-spot orgasm my entire adult life, and I finally achieved one shortly after that experience. I’m not saying that hearing the words “you are deserving of pleasure” will do the same for others, but it certainly released a subconscious block that had complicated sexual relaxation (and G-spot orgasms) for me.
It has taken nearly 30 years, but expressing my sexual energy is the polar opposite of when I first became sexually active. I feel more confident in my own skin, and I’m not afraid to ask for what I want. I would not be able to feel fully expressed in my sexual relationship if my partner wasn’t receptive to my desires. Finding a sexually-aligned and unselfish partner affirmed to me that I will never, ever settle for someone who disregards my pleasure. My partner (fiancee) is down to try anything (though we identify as pretty vanilla); doesn’t give a fuck about bodily fluids like menstrual blood; believes in orgasm equality, and has no insecurities when it comes to taking direction. In my experience, it was very difficult to find a partner who possessed all of these traits, until I met him. If I had the opportunity to advise my younger self, I’d tell her that settling for anything less is a fucking waste of time.
Do you imagine you'll be having sex in your later years? What do you hope that chapter of your sexuality will be for you?
If I am able to, I aspire to be physically intimate – with myself or my partner - as long as I can. This isn’t limited to sexual intercourse or penetration. Sexual function may decrease with age, but that is a gift; a gateway to different kinds of intimacy and pleasure. Part of sexuality throughout our older years can be embracing “incomplete” sexual moments – as in, it’s not all about the orgasm. It’s not all about penetration. Foreplay, oral sex, edging and teasing can be just as passionate, fulfilling and juicy as penetrative sex. Honestly, PIV sex can be quite boring compared to the other ways that our bodies can experience pleasure.
I am not a hypersexual individual, but I despise the way that ageism perpetuates misconceptions about aging and human sexuality. If anything, I’ll continue to have sex if only for the purpose of a 20 or 30-something overhearing my 60-something sexual escapades that I share with a friend over lunch.
What I hope for sex in my 50s, 60s, and beyond is to step into the kinkiest version of myself. There’s only so much PIV sex that I might be able to have to a certain point, so I need to start exploring some new kinky shit right now.
Plus, orgasms are great for the skin, which is an awesome bonus if you love that post-O glow.
